Saturday, November 2, 2019

2d6 Potions in the Vending Machine

2 - Bee breath; after drinking, the insides of your cheeks develope (bee) hives and buzz a low, sallow drone. As long as you do not open your mouth, the bees will stay inside and do their work, creating honey-snot that drips from your nose at a rate of 1-drone dosage a day (anyone who tastes your drone dosage becomes a drone to your thoughts for an hour). If you open your mouth, it acts as a breath weapon, but made of angry, jobless bees.

3 - Technolyze; after drinking your conscious is sent into the nearest piece of electronic technology (like a phone or whatever). You have complete control over the technology, can see what it can see, and do anything it might possibly be able to do. After an hour you return to your body. During the hour, your body is inhabited by the that might be kinda funny to watch.

4 - Crystalized Drunk; the essence of being drunk is to be numb and ever flowing. Now you too can float through the air as a canon ball, crashing into walls and people with such force and not feel a damn thing. Lasts for about 30 minutes then you fall asleep.

5 - Gelly Belly; this small, sentient ooze scoots through your body and cleans all the pipes. Cures sickness and negative conditions over the course of a day.

6 - King Monkey; you grow a monkey tail. It rips through your pants and drags on the ground. If the tail is cut off before the sun goes down, you are cursed to become a monkey every night at sundown.

7 - Disasterflex; you become a walking disaster after ingestion. Every dice roll counts as a natural 1, and anything you do will cause as much damage as humanly possible.

8 - Tuesday; drink this and you'll return to last tuesday.

9 - Jeeshwa; If your name is Josh this drink is half-off. But it's just a normal drink.

10 - Bottled Ghost; There's a tiny spirit inside the jar, which somehow keeps the intangible little guy trapped. If you open the jar the ghost will fly away. BUT if you can convince it to live inside you, then you'll always have a friend :)

11 - Regret; This drink is a little bigger than the others and says "share size" on the label. If you share it with someone, you will learn each others greatest regret. If you drink it all you'll regret all those calories you ingested and probably have a full tum.

12 - Buzzing Little Bumble Bee; When you drink this you must pollenate. Kiss someone and then kiss another to create a strange little hommunculi based on the two people you kissed.


This is an article from my upcoming Endsville zine.
Until then, checking out Songbirds!


  1. I really really love those potions !
    I will steal them and integrate them in my project based on alchemy ( if that's OK with you...
    A potion of Giant Ape Polymorph sounds like something that could actually be usefull in D&D5 (the sheer amount of life points of the beast is already unbelievely helpful). But your dragonballish addition is just genius (would be perfect as a side effect for a poorly brewed potion)
    The Bee Breath is somehow gross and mind-bending at the same time. Would you buy the cheap honey on the market if you knew it comes from a goblin farm, where they all get their mouths sewn close to produce as much honey, as cheaply as possible?
    Technolyze can be restricted to constructs if - like me - you are more on the medieval-fantasy trip. And i love how the spirit of the technomagical wonder rides "your" body, that's an extremely funny idea too.
    Gelly Belly is an excellent explanation on how to make a "potion of poison antidote" in a medieval-magical setting. At last a use for the goo of that gelatinous cube...
    The potion of Tuesday is an excellent story item. Needs to be very rare, though. Or really costly to create. Messing with time should no be without risks and painful if errors are made. It could be really fun, if the PCs would consume it unknowingly...

    Long comment made short: Loved that post, it really opened my mind to a lot of new funny yet useable potions...

  2. Shut up and kiss me. Hey, i am looking for an online sex partner ;) Click on my boobs if you are interested (. )( .)